Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
