Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
