I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
