Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
