I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
