i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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