Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
