he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
