You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
