Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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