They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
