If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
