Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you had me at cake vodka
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
