He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
