If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
