I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
