The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
