does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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