I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
