Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got inside last night via doggy door
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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