I'm jealous of your bromance
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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