How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
