so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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