of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
