They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
