i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
