Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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