Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
