Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
the raccoons are back...
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