that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
