You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
