So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
