half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
