I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
3 2 1 whiskey
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
