You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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