My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
