sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
