He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
