How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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