he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
