Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You were trust falling into bushes
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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