well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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