Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
