Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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