there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
