If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
