don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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