its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
