I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
bring money and cleavage
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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