"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
